i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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