this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
