i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
