spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
