HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
