Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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