I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
