3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
