There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
