theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
