i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
