You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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