Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
