maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
