I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
