Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
