i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Pants are for mortals
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
