The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
