he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
