writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
