I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
