ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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