you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
