I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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