yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
