i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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