I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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