I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
