i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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