Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
