yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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