I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
