I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
