Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My cat gives me a boner
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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