I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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