in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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