I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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