I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
