I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
