His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
