im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just come out here and I will go home with you...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
