the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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