Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
