He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
