and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
