obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
