So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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