am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i came on her dog
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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