I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
