Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
