i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
