just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
